In the past few days information has come out that finally lays to rest some of the wonders of countless future PS3 owners. For the past year Sony has remained very quiet on their online plans for the Playstation 3, either saying there were no plans for a centralized service or saying nothing at all, which left many fans worrying that the Playstation 3 was going to see the same online fate as the Playstaton 2. Little to no game support. This probably would not have hurt the Playstaton 3 sales as much as some people expect, but it would also have been a huge weak spot when compared to the current Xbox live service on the 360.

Thanks to the March issue of Playstation Magazine, if the information proves to be accurate, many fans can sigh in relief knowing that Sony has plans to not only create a competing service to Xbox live, but to create a service that will go above and beyond all that Xbox live does. “Matching the Xbox live 360 feature for feature and then some.”

I have decided to cover some of the possibilities of what the, “and then some” just might be. Since Sony has taken such a drastic change in how they are going to address their online roadmap, mabey they will have some other features just as drastic.

Possible Playstation Network exclusive features:

1. The Xbox Eliminator button. When Sony said they are going to do a “full-on assault” on Xbox live they meant it literally. With a single press of this button it will turn your PS3 or even your PSP into a Xbox network wrecking machine. You can dedicate your precious online bandwith to not only playing games against others but to help your PS3 actively search for Xbox network adapters, which it will proceed to take down with any methods possible. Your PSP, once it has initialliy linked with your PS3, will become a portable Xbox eradicator. Future updates to this might even include the ability to take out Nintendo DS networks, helping Sony kick Nintendo while it is down.
2. After watching the latest Austin Powers movie, and taking from the order a pizza idea from Everquest 2, all games will incorperate the order a Baby function. Sony believes that it has hugely underestimated the baby eating market and will not “make the same mistake twice”. This will be usable from the Sony Network service main UI in addition to built into all games. Playing the newest Elder Scrolls chapter and get hungry ? Run yourself to the nearest tavern and order yourself a baby, it will be delivered straight to your house, served as the user chooses. No need to even return to the main network service menu. Sony will not limit this just to a generic American item though and has stated that in China there will be three different varieties of cat at launch, and dogs will be added in the first major network update.
3. A completely new service, exclusive to the Playstation Three version of Grand Theft Auto 4: New Orleans, and made possible with the new connectivity from the Playstation Network. *Order a hooker. Go to your nearest hooker on the corner in the game and it will charge directly to your credit card. Within 30 minutes to an hour you will have one at your doorstep. This feature will be a major seller for all those gamers who just dont have the motivation to, as quoted on many gaming forums, “Go out, get a life, and meet a woman all you stupid, lame, moron, fucking retarded loosers.” If you are a lonely man, a housewife looking to spice things up for your husband, or a grandma looking to help your grandson have his first sexual experience, this feature is for you. It will expand the market to entierly new demographics. *The quality and looks of your hooker cannot be guarenteed. Rockstar takes no responcibility for the woman or man-woman that shows up.

I do not know about you, but I am looking forward to the endless possibilities. I look forward to future information, and shall present any groundbreaking news here. Babies, hacking, and hookers. How could Sony go wrong.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, February 2nd, 2006 at 3:55 pm and is filed under Cory, Funny, Gaming, Hardware, Technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.